JoeBama v. McPalin

Was it possible for McCain to actually score a home-run in his campaign against Barack Obama? Would anyone have perceived him wowing everyone enough to break the neck-and-neck(edness) of the election so far? The wait is over, as last Friday McCain finally unveiled what we all wanted to be the new first black female vice president under 40.

I absolutely LOVE this new Sarah Palin. She's great. She's also hot, as numerous periodicals have named her America's Hottest Governor. Contrary to Al Gore's sermons, her hotness is actually the single largest contributor to the Polar Ice Caps melting. She was runner-up for Miss Alaska, which would truly be 'Change We Can All Believe In.'

Mrs. Palin led her high school basketball team to the state championships. This caribou-hunting, snowmobile-loving, NRA-supporting, mama-of-5, moose burger-eating female governor also boasts a 90% approval rating throughout her 2 years as Governor of Alaska. She and her fisherman hubbie have 5 kids with names Bristol, Piper, Track, Willow, and Trig. She could win Vermont on that alone. Sadly, Trig was born with Down-Syndrome, giving her a unique understanding of America's medical establishment. As a mom with 5 kids and zero Washington insiderness, she also one-ups the "empathy" of Obama's economic plan.

Gov. Palin has brought incredible reform to Alaska. She defeated the special interests in Alaska that controlled everything in the 50th State. She's also a true maverick. Staunchly conservative, but with a mind of her own for fairness. Her first veto as GILF was a bill stealing benefits from same-sex couples in Alaska. She pulled the plug on the rediculous Bridge to Nowhere. She's a headlining member of Feminists For Life. She's proposed more taxes on the oil business in Alaska, but supports drilling in ANWR. Democrats call her inexperienced while she has more experience than their presidential candidate. She used to smoke marijuana while it was legal in her state (she's since grown up). She's an excellent motivational speaker. By leading the construction of new pipelines in Alaska, she's done more to secure America's energy independence than any Democrat.

The VP spot is the first real decision that a president makes. Obama chose waffler Joe Biden aka "1% Joe" (although he actually got less than 1% in Iowa). Joe has been in Washington as a typical liberal Democrat operative ever since Sarah Palin was 9, which was about the same time that McCain checked out of the Hanoi Hilton. What's odd about the JoeBama ticket is that Obama makes Biden look presidential (and vice versa, Biden makes Obama look vice presidential). On the other hand McCain went with someone that few people knew about and selected someone he admired, a true maverick, an inspiration for young women, and someone that we know will take on special interests in Washington in the same way that John McCain always has, pissing off Republicans and Democrats left and right.