This is for anyone at home watching the proceedings of the SandRidge hearing on Channel 20. I know it's during the day, but the idea of losing these buildings is truly depressing. I know just what should take the edge off..
1. Everyone selects a lucky building that will be referenced to a lot, by people wanting to tear it down, and by people insisting that it can be saved. Every time your building is mentioned take one drink. You may take 4 drinks once your building has been approved for demolition.
2. Everyone selects a favorite planning buzz word..like "streetwall" for example. Everytime an urbanist or a SandRidge person brings up your word, take one drink.
Take one drink every time Rob Rogers says the following:
"A beautiful ecosystem"
"The block is very windy"
"We will incorporate Oklahoma's natural environment"
"Opening up the block"
"We designed this for people, look at all the people in the rendering."
Any reference to greenspace projects in NYC
"It would take effort to restore the Kermac and India Temple"
"This project increases walkability"
*When Rob Rogers gives a list of planning buzz words that he thinks apply to his project in some way, take a drink for each one.
Take one drink every time Suzette Hatfield says the following:
"You wouldn't have this problem in the first place.."
Any attempt to prove that the buildings are structurally sound
Any time that she has to correct Frank Hill on another inaccuracy
Take two drinks every time Frank Hill says the following:
"These buildings are blight"
"They haven't been occupied in 5000 years"
"The buildings are structurally unstable, we say so"
"Demolition will lower office vacancy rates downtown"
*Anything else that is utterly false, if not mentioned
"No, we won't let you prove anything with an outside report"
"Well, if we do have to submit to a structural analysis, can we pick who does it?"
"These are our bldgs, we are the owner of these, you can't legally tell us what to do"
"If they're so valuable why doesn't a developer buy them up?"
"I present letters from everyone who matters in OKC supporting this project"
Take two drinks for any of these other possibilities:
A well-known urban activist sits on the preservationist side of the room.
The preservationists all sit on the right and SandRidge people all sit on the left again.
Doug Loudenback is walking around snapping pictures.
Steve Lackmeyer is outside grilling a SandRidge official who won't answer his question.
The SandRidge spokesperson who is present says "No Comment" every time you look at her.
Take three drinks anytime a commissioner says the following:
"Uh, yeah I have some concerns"
"I wish we could get a structural analysis.."
"Could someone please clarify on the consideration of historic merit?"
"This is taking too long, I have to go"
"I'm leaving now, bye everyone"
"This is so convoluted"
"Can we approve some of the demolitions and not some others?"
FINISH YOUR DRINK
When the hearing is over and every single building in downtown has finally been approved for demolition, and to be replaced with a lovely ecosystem, erm I mean a corporate plaza. Poor a little our for your homies and start planning your move to some other city that actually has a downtown.